Students turn to gigolo Jaxx as well
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Gigolo Jaxx. Foto: Maxime Dreyhus
Happiness and pleasure are closely related. ‘Jaxx’ primarily delivers the latter. And yes, he also visits student houses.
In his work as a gigolo, he’s known as Jaxx. He’d rather not make his name public: his parents, for example, don’t know that he goes to bed with women for money. ‘The only people who know about it are two good friends of mine. And my wife of course.’ This is actually the reason he’s giving this interview. ‘I want to break the taboo. It’s quite acceptable for men to hire prostitutes. It’s a very different thing when a woman hires a gigolo.’
‘It’s quite acceptable for men to hire prostitutes’
In the Utrecht Central Station hall, Jaxx speaks freely about his work and the double life he leads: he is a primary school teacher with two children. He looks casual enough: jeans, black T-shirt. He’s 39, fairly short, with dark hair. On his Twitter profile he writes that he often gets compliments about his bum and penis – but we don’t get to see these today.
What was your first paid job like?
‘I was following the academic teacher training programme in Nijmegen. I went to a lot of parties. One night I was talking to an older woman, who fancied me and wanted me to go home with her. ‘I don’t mind paying you for it’ she said. As a student, I didn’t have much money, so I thought: why not? It was fun, so after that I signed up for an escort service. Nowadays I work for myself and I’m registered with Gentleman’s Company, an advertising platform that also has a Nijmegen branch.’
What kind of clients do you get?
‘Usually women aged 25 to 40. But I sometimes get hired by older women. And yes, sometimes by students too.’
Why would a young woman hire a gigolo? It can’t be that hard to find a man willing to have sex.
‘I sometimes ask my clients this very question. The most important reason they give is that women don’t just want sex, they want attention. A date with me usually involves mostly sex, but there’s also cuddling, a massage, and good conversation. Men who roll out of the pub in a drunken daze just want to fuck. My work is about much more than sex alone. For example, I always take them out to dinner first.’
Do you sometimes turn a client down?
‘I don’t turn down women aged 18 and older. Every woman is attractive in her own way. I do find it important that a woman looks well-groomed.’
Do you enjoy your dates with students?
‘Of course it’s fun to date young women. But the nicest age group is 25 to 40. These are women who know what they want and who have quite a bit of life experience. That’s not the case with young students. Also, students usually don’t have much money, so they can only hire me for an hour.’
Do you often visit student houses?
‘Students usually rent a room in a cheap hotel. I do remember one date that took place in a student house – that was very funny. It was a big house and her housemates were all home. It all had to be very hush-hush. This student hired me because she had never given anyone a blow job, and her boyfriend really wanted her to give him one. Luckily, I’m not only a gigolo, but also a teacher, so my didactic skills really came in useful, ha-ha.’
Are students nowadays different from twenty years ago, when you were a student?
‘These days, students tend to take off their clothes more easily; they are less prudish. But in terms of sex, it used to be better: before, when students did take off their clothes, they were really open to adventure. Now they want all sorts of things, but when it comes to it, they get shy.’
Why do you think that is?
‘Probably because of apps like Tinder. Nowadays people tend to go for quick dates. Students are not used to getting so much attention anymore, and as a result, they don’t want to make themselves vulnerable. Once you really get to know each other, you become more daring. Sometimes a student wants a kind of 50 Shades of Grey date. That really opens up a whole new world for them.’
Do you talk to your clients about their personal problems, such as stress?
‘It’s usually the 30-plus women who talk a lot about why they hired me. Often they have problems with their partners; they feel abandoned, or lonely. At times like this, I’m also just someone to talk to. But it’s up to them to start talking about these things – I don’t initiate this kind of conversation. Students don’t talk much about personal problems. They’re mostly just curious about my work and what I do. This is what they ask about.’
Do you contribute to your clients’ happiness?
‘For some clients, I certainly play an important role, especially if they feel lonely. I also have a fixed client whose husband can’t have sex with her anymore because of his physical condition. He doesn’t think this should stop his wife from enjoying herself. So not all my clients hire me in secret, without their partners knowing.’
Does going on dates contribute to your happiness?
‘I can certainly enjoy a good date with a client, but it’s nothing compared to how I feel with my own partner. When I’m at work I completely switch off any feelings of love.’
Is there no room for your own needs and feelings on a date?
‘Of course I enjoy it when a client gives me a massage. And it’s nice when the sex comes easily. Which is not always the case. Sometimes I can’t get a hard-on. Especially if a client wants to have sex for a long time, I sometimes pop a pill. People pay a lot of money for a date with me [basic rate €100 per hour, students get a discount, MN] so I’ve got to perform. I put my own feelings on the back burner. In fact, I can just flip a mental switch to make sure I don’t orgasm. How do I do it? Practice, I guess.’
The (s)expert: ‘Hiring a gigolo is nearly always a desperate act’
Vox’s end-of-the-year theme is happiness. Does sex make people happy? And if it does, why don’t we all hire gigolos and prostitutes? Clinical psychologist Jelto Drenth on taboos, needs and the nonsense of a lot of research on sex.
A 2015 Canadian study shows that couples are happiest if they have sex once a week. More often is OK, but it won’t increase your happiness. The Groningen sexologist Jelto Drenth, affiliated to the Netherlands Association for Sexology, is not keen on these kinds of studies. ‘Research that focuses solely on frequency, and not on quality of sex just makes no sense. Not to mention the fact that these studies usually only talk about duo-sex. What about solo sex? Does it also count within a relationship?’
Jelto Drenth has a deep dislike of magazines such as Men’s Health. ‘The primitivism with which these men’s magazines portray sexuality is completely outdated. They give men tips on how to convince their partners to sleep with them every day. As if all men want to have sex every day.’ In decades of helping men (and women) get their sex life back on track, Drenth has developed a different perspective on male sexuality. He wrote a book about it, tellingly entitled De man is geen jager (Men are Not Hunters).
In our ‘sexualised society’, there is incredible pressure on men to behave in a sexual manner. This is apparent from the movies we watch, the conversations we have, and the advertisements we see. ‘If a man is unable or unwilling to comply with this image, he’s considered abnormal and has a problem. This results in deep feelings of shame.’
In the olden days, couples usually ended up seeing a therapist because the woman didn’t want to have sex – nowadays it’s often the other way around. A woman not wanting sex, says Drenth, is viewed as a relatively normal problem, one that’s met with some tolerance and a bit of humour. But the reverse situation is much more loaded. Because a man who doesn’t want sex violates the stereotype.
Yes, Drenth has seen many men and women who were unhappy with their sex life. But frequent sex is not a precondition for a happy life. Few things are as personal as sex. ‘One person may feel the need for sex every day, while another may live long and happy without any sex at all (yes, there is such a thing as a happy priest). So there’s no simple answer to the question ‘Does sex make people happy?’’
The sexologist – who retired a few years ago – has a hobbyhorse, as he calls it. ‘For a happy sex life the partners should understand each other’s feelings and needs, and dare to discuss them openly and nakedly. If these needs don’t match, solo sex can provide a solution.’ And it doesn’t have to be secret, either, says Drenth. ‘It can be very cosy to lie in bed together while one of you is enjoying his or her arousal. Luckily, masturbation is increasingly less of a taboo in the Netherlands, but it’s probably still very different in places like America.’
Drenth believes the best thing is for couples to ‘figure it out together’. Hiring a prostitute or a gigolo is nearly always a desperate act, he says. ‘Some couples want more adventure, and they might consider a swingers club. When people who are in a relationship hire prostitutes, it usually means they’ve given up on improving their sex life. They’re stagnating in their sexual development. It would be a better idea to go and see a sexologist.’
It’s different for singles, of course. ‘Hiring a prostitute is certainly something singles might enjoy, especially if they’re not frustrated about not having a partner. Although they might not always be happy with the services offered.’
Photo Jelto Drenth: Marion Willemsen
Henk wrote on 14 januari 2018 at 20:00
‘It’s quite acceptable for men to hire prostitutes’
I don’t know what world you live in, but in my world it’s surely not.
Gentleman’s Company wrote on 3 februari 2018 at 11:12
Nice article!
Just one correction: Gentleman’s Company is not an agency(we don’t mediate contacts) but a platform on which independent gentlemen can make a profile and advertise.