For a while, student Guyana Zijl took care of others more than of herself. She became homeless and later experienced a burnout. Currently, alongside her studies, she is conducting research on how people attribute meaning to UFOs.

At the Opening of the Academic Year, the very personal speech of Guyana Zijl (32) left a lasting impression. Even months after her speech at De Vereeniging, she continues to receive reactions, she shares in the sky lounge of the Erasmus Building. ‘Many people whom I hadn’t known for very long didn’t know what I went through. It’s not like something like this is written all over my face.’

The student of Religion, Politics and Society remembers that it became completely silent in the room during her speech. ‘I heard people holding their breath. It hit home. But I also told my story with a smile and with a joke. I went through a tough period, but it doesn’t help anyone if I talk about it with a frown and with tears. It’s also a success story.’

Enormous debts

That difficult period in Zijl’s life began when she was in a relationship with a man who fell seriously ill. For two years, Zijl took care of him intensively, and at some point, they emigrated together to Sint Maarten, his country of origin. Once he was on the mend, she was left by the wayside.

Back in the Netherlands, Zijl had enormous debts because she had prioritized paying his bills. She became homeless. This didn’t mean she was wandering the streets. ‘I know a lot of people, so I could always stay with someone. But I didn’t have an address registered with the municipality. It was very stressful to live without the certainty of having a roof over your head.’

Moving in with her parents was not an option. ‘If I would have registered at their address, their benefits would have been cut.’ She ended up in a tricky situation, like many homeless young people. ‘You can only get a job if you have a residential address, and you only have a residential address if you can afford the rent.’

‘Mama bear instinct’

Meanwhile, she entered a new relationship with a man who also came from Sint Maarten. ‘Yes, twice a man from that small island. What are the odds?’ This man had a room in Paris but stayed in various places in Europe due to, as Zijl puts it, ‘a somewhat naive artistic passion.’ He was divorced and had a 10-year-old son in Sint Maarten. Due to Hurricane Irma, this boy became homeless. ‘My ‘mama bear instinct’ kicked in, and I quickly found a home for the boy in the Netherlands. That’s how it goes: I can do it for someone else; it motivates me more than when I have to do it for myself.’

By living with and taking care of this child, she also had a roof over her head. ‘I had something to focus on; it was a good distraction after my period of being homeless.’ After eight months, she discovered that his father was leading a very different life in Paris. She ended the relationship and got in touch with the child’s mother, who lived in Sint Maarten, so the boy could stay with her.

She talks about it light-heartedly. Occasionally, she laughs. ‘I always seem cheerful,’ she says. But, of course, she wasn’t during that difficult time. ‘Back then, it was a mask, now it’s genuine.’

Alone again, it dawned on Zijl that she had to make decisions that would benefit herself now, even though that wasn’t an easy task. To keep her head above water, she had to work hard. In addition to her theology studies at the University of Applied Sciences, she put in many hours for PostNL and in the hospitality industry until she had a burnout. ‘I reached out to my then-school, Windesheim, and told them I couldn’t finish my studies. They then arranged a fund, allowing me to continue my degree.’

Christmas message

Thanks to her faith, she managed to get through that tough period, she says. ‘Ten years ago, I was baptised in an Evangelical Community. Two days later, my partner was diagnosed with cancer. I thought back then: this is why I was baptised; there will come a time when I need this. In retrospect, those turned out to be five difficult years. Without my faith, I would have gone crazy.’ She falls silent for a moment and then laughs. ‘Wow, that’s a Christmas message!’

‘Homeless people want that too: to be seen and heard.’

Zijl was not raised in a religious household, but she did attend a Catholic primary school in Deventer. ‘The school wasn’t very strict, but we did say prayers before meals. I always asked myself who we are talking to when we pray.’ This sparked her interest in faith. ‘At some point, I had the feeling that someone heard me, and I thought: if that’s what we call God, then I believe in that. It’s a nice feeling to be seen and heard. Homeless people want that too: to be seen and heard.’

Although she was baptised in an Evangelical Community, she is not a member of that community or any other church. ‘I feel at home everywhere but also like a stranger. I’ve experienced all religious communities but ultimately made the choice not to make a choice.’ Her current boyfriend is not religious. ‘I consider faith as an individual process. I won’t force anyone to participate because then it just becomes a performance.’

Unstable home situation

She prefers not to talk much about her childhood. ‘It was an unstable home situation, but my parents also come from somewhere, and that story belongs to them.’ However, she does share something from her school years. High school didn’t go well. She was in a Havo/Vwo class but switched to Vmbo-t and didn’t complete various Mbo studies. ‘I found everything interesting, but those things felt more like hobbies.’ After some self-study, she took the 21+ test and decided to enroll in the theology program at the University of Applied Sciences. ‘From the first year, I knew: this is it.’

After completing her bachelor’s, she wanted to continue studying and ended up in Religion, Politics, and Society. ‘Science appealed to me. I’ve met a lot of great people. Not the stereotypical types, but cool people. The programme is also a good way to deal with my high level of self-doubt.’

By that, she refers to the impostor syndrome: the idea that you think you don’t possess the right qualities, even though you are competent. ‘I find the weirdest things interesting, but my fellow students and teachers make me feel like my quirky mind belongs here.’

UFOs

For the Honours Academy, Zijl is conducting research on what people think about UFOs. ‘I don’t see it as a matter of believing in UFOs or not. They exist, in the sense that people constantly perceive things in the sky. Scientists now refer to it as UAP: Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena. My question is mainly about the meaning observers attribute to what they see. Due to all the science fiction stories, everyone immediately thinks of extra-terrestrial beings, but there are numerous theories, including the idea of the inter-dimensional, time travellers, and the materialization of consciousness. Consciousness plays a significant role in all these theories.’

What she adds to the research is that she doesn’t rule out anything. ‘All stories are equally valuable. It’s not for me to pass judgment on them. We all give meaning in our own way, and any meaning is always valid.’

Hands-on

Listening to others aligns perfectly with what she was trained for at Windesheim: a spiritual caregiver, a professional who provides guidance, help, and advice to people with existential questions. It’s something she will never let go of. Zijl wants to pursue two more master’s degrees, but her future life will not revolve solely around academia. ‘I’ve experienced too much not to be with people, not to be hands-on.’

Moreover, she has realized that her story can be meaningful. ‘During an internship at the street ministry in Amsterdam, a young homeless woman once said to me, “But you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth.” That’s when I told her that I had been homeless myself two years prior. She looked at me very differently and, of course, wanted to know how I had managed. My story gives hope.’

‘I won’t let anyone mess with me anymore’

Zijl dreams of someday starting something as a spiritual caregiver in her hometown of Deventer, in collaboration with the Salvation Army, addiction care, and mental health services. ‘My best friend is studying social work. Together, we can create something beautiful. I mainly listen; she can help people move forward.’

But first, she’s temporarily putting her studies and research work on hold because she’s six months pregnant. She’s also getting married soon. With a laugh, she says, ‘I really have a very good relationship now. This man can take care of himself just fine. We live in a nice family home with three bedrooms, a spacious attic, and a beautiful front and back yard.’ She has changed, partly thanks to therapy. ‘I may be very gentle and empathetic, but I won’t let anyone mess with me anymore.’