English

‘We’re just not very happy at the moment’  

27 Dec 2017 , ,

Your student days are supposed to be the most fun period of your life. Long live freedom, and no responsibilities. The perfect time to get a burn-out, wouldn’t you say?

Noortje Kleine Schaars studied Philosophy for two years, and History for just less than a year. Now she’s at home.

‘I used to think: you study, you get your diploma, and then you get a job. But Philosophy was so incredibly theoretical! I would sit in class and wonder: What could I possibly do with this later? After two years I switched to History. There they told us that we had little chance of finding a job with a Bachelor’s diploma alone. That you had to get international experience, sit on a board, and stand out from the crowd. It’s really demotivating to hear things like this.

Noortje Kleine Schaars. Foto door Duncan de Fey

After nine months I became depressed. For two weeks, I just lay in bed. I couldn’t take care of myself, couldn’t buy groceries, I was simply exhausted. It was really strange, actually. Everything was fine. My studies were going well, I had enough friends, and suddenly everything just felt wrong. The smallest things were too much for me. Going to lectures required a huge effort. It was as if I’d fallen into a hole. I was really scared of having to tell my parents I’d failed again.

I took a year off: I worked in a lunchroom, went to see a psychologist. Things got better. I enrolled to study nutrition and diet at a university of applied sciences. But just when I made it through the selection round, I got rheumatoid arthritis, and had to stop again.

I’ve had to learn from scratch how to manage my energy. I’ve been to therapy, physiotherapy, and mindfulness courses. And still there’re days when I’m trapped in my mind, worrying all the time. Luckily, now I have tools to help me function. What makes me happy are the little things: a good chat with friends, a walk. I don’t have any plans to resume my studies anytime soon.’

Dieuwertje Riezebos (21): ‘I found myself in a downward spiral’ Dieuwertje Riezebos is a fourth-year Bachelor’s student in Dutch Law

‘My burn-out began in my second year. Suddenly I couldn’t attend class anymore, dropped all activities except studying, and rarely spoke to my friends. I suffered from headaches, dizziness and fainting fits. On a Sunday afternoon in November I was invited to go to someone’s birthday party. The idea alone made me panic. Instead of going to the party, I ended up in bed. If even the thought of a birthday party is too much, you know something must be really wrong.

Diewertje Rozeboom. Foto: Duncan de Fey

And yet I continued to study. I just kept going and going, and then ended up with a 3 in my exam. I found myself in a downward spiral. I wanted to study, but I couldn’t, which only made the stress worse. It was exhausting. As a student there’s so much you have to do. It really makes me panic to think about it. My CV is still pretty empty. I sat on the board of a theatre association for six months, but six months is not a year, so is it enough? Plus there’s nothing on my CV that would justify a one-year delay in my Bachelors’. You can’t put illness on your CV.

Luckily I feel better now. I go to lectures again, and I sometimes get permission to only watch the web lecture. I enjoy little things again: cooking with my mother, having dinner all together the way we used to. These things make me happy and give me energy. The other thing that makes me happy is the theatre: going to a musical or play, acting in one, observing the technique, anything theatre-related really. It helps me escape from every-day reality.’

Dinja de Vries (26) is a second year Master’s student in Religion and Policy
‘In December last year I noticed that I couldn’t handle the performance pressure anymore. It began

Dinja de Vries. Foto door Duncan de Fey

when I cancelled an important meeting for the University Student Council. I simply didn’t have the strength for it anymore. And once I start cancelling things, I know I’ve gone too far. I’ve been studying for a long time; I’ve completed two Bachelor’s programmes already. And I’m involved in a lot of other activities. I’m a board member for our study association and for the cultural dome here on Campus; I used to chair the AKKUraatd party and sat on two AKKU committees; I also had a job on the side and was a member of the student council. At some point I wasn’t enjoying anything anymore. I felt resistance to anything that I ‘had’ to do.

Ideally, I’d like to go on holiday for six months, but it’s not possible, because I really want to graduate this year. Now the pressure to perform is slightly less. When people ask me how I am, I always say: OK. I’m alive, I have food to eat, and I have enough good friends. I try to be satisfied with that. But I’d like to enjoy life more. I love cooking and hanging out on the couch with friends. So I try to make time for it.’

Leave a comment

Vox Magazine

Independent magazine of Radboud University

read the latest Vox online!

Vox Update

A direct, daily or weekly update with our articles in your mailbox!

Weekly
English
Sent!