Students who experiment sexually need to communicate better with each other, say two public prosecutors who investigate sexual offences in Nijmegen and the surrounding area. ‘Kissing in the pub doesn't necessarily mean you also want to have sex.’

One in five girls (20%) and one in 25 boys (4%) report being at some point forced into unwanted sexual acts. That is the conclusion of a survey on sex among young people presented at the start of this year (see box at the bottom of the article). In 2017, these figures were lower: 12% and 2%, respectively.

To better protect victims of sexually transgressive behaviour, the law was amended last summer. Since 1 July, it is a criminal offence to have sex with someone when you could have known that they did not want sex. Previously, unwanted sex was only punishable by law if coercion was involved. ‘Now you have to explicitly check: hey, do you really want this?’ say public prosecutors Jantien Kolkman and Hanneke Venselaar, who investigate sexual offences in Nijmegen and the surrounding area.

Sex is great as long as it happens voluntarily, on equal terms, and with consent, they stress. ‘When a person is intoxicated, they cannot control their will. So then you have to assume that they don’t want.’

High-risk group

Research shows that 70% of victims of sexual offences instinctively freeze. This means that the victim cannot resist, but the circumstances often do reveal that they did not want to have sex.

‘If someone is not actively participating, or if they are lying very still, that can be a signal that they don’t actually want sex,’ says Kolkman. ‘Turning away, trying to close their legs, pushing the other person away. Someone may start engaging in sexual contact, and then decide: “I actually don’t want this”. In such cases, you have to ask: “Do you still want this? You’re not really participating”.’

‘Students are more likely to have unexpected sleepovers’

This means more communication is needed. ‘If you are in a steady relationship, you can read each other,’ says Venselaar. ‘But if you don’t know the other person and you’ve been drinking, it’s harder to assess. Then you have to ask. Talk about it.’

In that respect, students are a high-risk group, she says. ‘They are at an age when they experiment sexually. They are more likely to find themselves in situations where drinking is involved, and they engage in casual sex more often. They are also more likely to have unexpected sleepovers.’

Sex under the influence

Figures from 2021 show that 11% of the female students surveyed were victims of rape in their student days (see box below). ‘If you want to party together, you should go for it,’ says Venselaar. ‘But if you end up in bed with each other, you have to check that the other person really wants sex. ‘Kissing in the pub doesn’t necessarily mean you also want to have sex.’ Just because that next step seems obvious to some people does not mean it is normal, she stresses. ‘You can still say no.’

The new law does not dictate that you cannot have sex if you are under the influence, says Kolkman. ‘But you cannot hide behind the fact that you were drunk. The responsibility of each individual goes further. You should be aware that more things are punishable by law since 1 July.’

Power relationships may lead to more unwanted sex. What do the vice officers think about relationships between ‘Intro dads and mums’ and ‘Intro kids’ during the introduction period? In principle, such situations do not involve big power dynamics, they say.

‘But these are new students, eager to fit in,’ says Venselaar. ‘It is good to make them aware that some kind of power relationship may be at play.’

A relationship between a lecturer and a student under 18 is always punishable by law. ‘Even if they are head over heels in love.’ Above 18, a relationship is permitted, but there is a risk if the relationship is not equal, the public prosecutors stress. So all the more reason to keep checking.

Chat messages

If an incident is reported, however, the victim must make it clear how they communicated that they did not want sex. It’s not that you have to be able to guess that the other person does not want sex, the officers stress.

Then again: this remains a case of one person’s word against another’s. More is needed for a conviction, for example chat messages that point to unwanted sex. Or a testimony from someone who saw that the victim was later panicking or in tears. ‘You still need supporting evidence,’ says Venselaar.

Perpetrators are often in denial, according to the prosecutors. ‘Rapist is a loaded word,’ says Venselaar. ‘They are shocked when something is called a rape. They think: how am I a rapist? I wasn’t hiding in the bushes, was I?’

‘There is a group that is wondering what the problem is if the other person does not actively resist or scream,’ says Kolkman.

‘Or they might ask: “why didn’t she run away?”’ That means that they are not aware of their dominant position,’ adds Venselaar.

Many people, the officers say, also find it hard to face what they have done to someone else. Research shows that in 80% of cases, the perpetrator is someone the victim knows.

File a report

The vice officers urge students to always file a report if they have been the victim of sexual violence. ‘So that it is at least brought to the attention of the police. Because who knows, there may be more reports against the same person.’

‘Students shouldn’t be scared’

But it does not always have to lead to an official report. ‘Some people cannot cope with this kind of procedure. In such cases, we can still say: we think it is really important to pursue this case. But ultimately, we always respect the person’s decision,’ says Kolkman.

‘Students shouldn’t be scared,’ says Venselaar in conclusion. Kolkman: ‘As long as you make sure you don’t do anything against anyone’s will, there’s no problem.’ Unless it involves someone younger than 16, she adds.